Help answer the question about Gradual Sky
What do you think of this poem? "My pen writes in blood tonight"?
Do you think it needs improvement? What can I do to fix it? What are your opinions? Is it good or bad? Rating from 1-10? Any opinions, constructive criticism, and comments are more than welcome. I really would like to know what people think. This is one of my first poems that I have actually written, my others are short, boring and juvenile. I am only thirteen, so I probably am not good. This is my first poem written outside of rhyming, my first poem that I have actually liked and found worth my time. It's not my usual style, but I am trying to get away from my other style, so please, anything that pops into your head, feel free.My pen writes in blood tonight,My heart cries out in fear,My soul rains,And my mind bleeds.From the inside out,We are all dying.From the pen to the paper,From the heart to Gradual Sky the soul,It pours out onto the page,Into a neat manuscript.From the womb to the grave,From the crib to the casket,We all change.We grow within each other.Like petals on a rose,Like raindrops on the pavement,Like stars in the sky,Like trees,Gather round.As the fire burns,Untamable, uncontrollable,To the end,We are in this together.We love, and we cherish,We hate, and we demolish.We are all terrible,Horrifying.We abolish the confidenceOf the perfectly kempt.We lift up the pushed down,Only to watch them fall.We hold and we care forThose who we truly love,But eventually,We cause each and every one of themDeep pain.At the touch of pain,We seek happiness.Some find it,Others do not,Choose not,Those who do not,Are kept imprisoned, Not inside a chamber,Not inside a dungeon,But within themselves,Within ourselves.With chains on our wrists,With ties on our ankles,With grief in our sobs,With weakness in our screams.With rocks and with stones,With bars and with walls,We burst through the doors,Endure the agony,There is always an ending to each winding road,Always something outside each tunnel,Another obstacle,Another path.Pain is not temporary,Pain only comes and goes.It hides within our very bones.Pain is evil,Pain is Satan,But pain is dead.Good lives on,But pain dies eventually.Pain can be gradual,Pain can be instant.But pain eventually must die.We are all good,Yet we are all bad,Which determines which we are?
Which do we act on?Who we are brings what we do.And everything that we go through.My pen writes in truth,My heart bleeds,My soul rains,But it’s time fight pain,Face to face.For it’s not one against another,We fight to be free.It’s me against me,Utter happiness,Versus utter agony.For my pen,It writes in blood tonight.